I Didn't Think THIS Would Happen!
by crystaldragons101
Summary: I'm a fairly normal guy… right? So how did I end up with these crazy Hetalia units? Oh yeah, I'm an idiot who clicked on a pop-up add. Rated T because of possible future chapters and 'cause I'm paranoid
1. Prologue

**Well… I Didn't Think THIS Would Happen!**

 **Summary: I'm a fairly normal guy… right? So how did I end up with these crazy Hetalia units!? Oh yeah, I'm an idiot who clicked on a pop-up add.**

 **Main Character: Cryss Marks**

 **Pairings: not sure yet**

I sat where I usually do. On the edge of my bed, reading a new update on one of my favorite fanfics… and yes, it's a Hetalia fanfic. Hey! I can't help it if I unknowingly stepped into the Hetalia fandom and got stuck somehow! It just… happened. That's kind of how I found out that I was Bi… Well that and another incident that I would rather not name. Speaking of names, my name is Cryss T. Marks.

I know it's an odd spelling but you pronounce it like you would 'Chris' so it's not that hard. I just turned 18 two months ago. I'm already out of my parents place thanks to the fact that my grandma never really cared for my parents since they eloped, ran away and had my little sis and me. It's a pretty big place actually (Thank you Grandpa for being an amazing business man). Ugh, and speaking of business.

I really should get back to work on studying for those entrance exams. Le sigh. I'm aiming for really high end collage, so I really need to study. 'Alright, let's get these tabs closed…' I begin closing tabs when a pop-up decided to grace my screen with its unholy presence.

' Lovely, clos- wait. Win free Hetalia units?' "That's a new one." Click. Yeah you can call me an idiot all you want, but the way I see it, I don't have anything important on this laptop and I know how to fix almost any problem I could get on here. So the curiosity won out. The pop-up took me to a website with the little chibi Axis (so cute! Ahem, I didn't say anything. Nope, nothing.) and a ' _Well done. Your application has been sent. You will be contacted by email in the event of a win_.' "Okay well, it doesn't look like I have any viruses, so that's good. Besides, I don't usually win things like this anyway." 'Now to that studying…'

One week time skip courtesy of the flying mint bunny (cheesy and over used I know. Get over it.)

"Yes!" I yell while doing a fist pump into the air and striking a hero pose. (Like a certain American we all know and love.) I had just taken the exams a few days ago and I just got a reply via email saying that I have been accepted due to the fact that I held one of the top scores.

' _Bing. You've got mail_.' (once again over used, but I'm a written character! You try being original when what you see most of the time is the back of your writers head!) The mail was, of course, from that "shady" website I found a week ago with the adora- I mean cool, yeah that's what I meant, with the cool chibi Axis powers. Against my better judgment (wait, I have one of those!) I click on the email. ' _Congratulations! You have won our contest and have earned the right to receive free Hetalia units! Please be ready to accommodate your Hetalia units. They will begin arriving soon._ ' "…Hudda Waa?" A 'normal' response for me.

Suddenly, as if God himself thought it fitting that I go into an anime induced breakdown, the doorbell rang. Getting up and walking over to the door (which is not easy when your brain is going in circles to the point of dizziness) I glace through the peephole in the door… There is a frickin' Flying Mint Bunny truck, in my driveway… FLYING MINT BUNNY! The guy at my step knocks on the door clearly growing impatient. He has a Flying Mint Bunny hat on, has a clip board in hand, and has a huge crate behind him. Well… I didn't know what to expect when I clicked on that pop-up add… But I sure as Hell didn't think this would happen!

 **AN: Okay, so I've seen all manner of manual/unit stories, but the main character that runs into these problems always seems to be a girl. (don't get me wrong. They're awesome stories and are a lot of fun to read) So I inevitably got curious, wondering what a guy Hetalia fan would do. So I decided to find out, using one of my characters as the offering. ^J^**

 **If you'd like me to continue with this idea send me a message telling me so. And if I get enough support behind it, you could also send in pairing ideas. But if no one sends me messages I'll just assume nobody liked the idea and scrap it.**

 **P.S. All of the mistakes here are mine since I'm crappy at writing and don't have a beta.**


	2. Unit 1

**AN: Holy Crap! I haven't checked on this story in forever! Okay, so I really didn't think anyone would like this, but apparently… I was proven wrong…**

 **So I will try to continue with this odd story that seems to be winding down the rabbit hole as we speak… Oh, and please bear with me as I try to fix up this story, and make it somewhat tolerable.**

 **WARNING: I am using google translate because (even though I do know a little in each of the languages listed) I am horribly lazy and I'm not incredibly good in foreign languages. P.S. any grammatical errors are mine.**

 **Anyway, on with the "show"** ** _._**

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The man outside knocks on the door again which drags me from my thoughts of Flying Mint Bunny and other Hetalia things. I quickly check my appearance in the mirror I have hanging by the door.

My brown medium length hair is somewhat messy, my white t-shirt is a little rumpled, my sea green eyes have dark circles under them, and I look like I just rolled out of bed… wonderful. While fixing my hair and shirt, the guy rings the doorbell… again. ' _Seriously, give me two seconds will ya!?_ '

I open the door just as he starts to turn around. ' _Cryss, breath, you can do this._ ' "Hello, can I help you?" I say so he doesn't leave.

The person standing at my door actually isn't that bad looking. His hair slants to the side and is dyed a bright turquoise, his eyes are a beautiful shade of blue, and he has a piercing in his left ear.

"Hi. I'm Jake from Flying Mint Bunny Corp. I'm looking for… Cries?" Imagine one of those angry tick marks appearing on my forehead. ' _… He said my name wrong… WHY DID MY PARENTS GIVE ME SUCH A WEIRD NAME?!... Calm… deep breaths._ ' "Actually, it's pronounced like 'Chris'. I know it's a weird spelling." I reply through gritted teeth. "Oh, I'm sorry about that. So I take it you're Cryss then?" He looks at me expectantly. "Y-yes, that's me." ' _Damn it! I was doing so well._ '

A relieved look crosses his face, then a smile. "Well, Congratulations on wining the contest! If you would, please sign here." He hands me the clipboard I saw through the peephole. Hesitantly I take it and sign it. Then after 'Jake' takes it back he hands me a tan envelope. "Where do you want me to put the crate?" Holy cow. How did I suddenly forget about the huge crate on my porch? "Umm… could you bring it inside?" "Sure!" He states with a smile.

It didn't take long for Jake to get the crate inside… Well, if it did I was too far off in Lalaland to notice.

Jake began walking back outside to the FMB truck when he stopped at the door to give some parting advice. "Oh yeah, and don't forget to read **all** the way through the manual before waking up your unit. Some of the units can be pretty… temperamental." And with that he was back in the truck and was halfway down the driveway.

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I closed the door and turned around to look at the crate. ' _This is either a big elaborate prank, or I'm about to start a_ _ **really**_ _crazy life._ ' Taking the envelope in my hand, I hesitantly open it, only to be greeted by a small booklet saying, " _LOVINO VARGAS: user guide and manual._ " ' _Well this is going to be… interesting._ '

I begin reading the manual out loud, "Congratulations on purchasing your LOVINO VARGAS unit! To help ensure your safety (and sanity) we have enclosed some vital information about your new unit…" As I'm reading I get a little antsy so I skip to the important parts; what not to do and troubleshooting.

After finishing that and finding out that one of his possible jobs is a mob boss, I'm just a tad bit worried about waking him up… but then I remind myself that this is a **Hetalia** character we're talking about here! And with that thought in mind, I start reading the part on how to start him up.

"1) COOK PASTA…

2) GET AN ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO UNIT…

3) GET A FELICIANO VARGAS UNIT…

4) IMITATE AN ITALIAN ACCENT (BADLY)…

Well numbers two and three I can't do and I don't think I want that violent of a reaction caused by doing number four, so pasta it is!" I enter my kitchen and start looking for where I left the lasagna noodles. (Despite how most college kid's kitchens are, my is actually well stocked thanks to the fact that I used to do most of the cooking and shopping at home)

As I'm making the lasagna, I hear a crash come from the other room. Putting down my spatula, I go to see what's happening and I'm greeted by and overturned box and my ears are suddenly assaulted by several curse words… in both English and Italian.

I guess now would be a good time to mention that I happen know a few different languages; Spanish, Latin, German, Russian (not quite fluent), Japanese (not quite fluent), and Italian (curse words only). I've been studying the first three languages since I turned seven.

So when I heard the Italian spouting off in Italian… well, my response happened to come out in Spanish, "*Cállate! Puedo oírte. No hay necesidad de gritar." It got quite for a moment then, "Antonio. Is that you?! Get me the fuck out of here now!" ' _Crap._ '

"Calm down! I'm not Antonio and give me a minute and I'll get you out." I run back to the kitchen to get a knife for the nails.

When I get back, "*Fammi uscire da questa scatola, cazzo! Bastardo!" I am once again assaulted by curse words. So I make a split second decision. "If you don't shut up for ten seconds, I'm going to leave you in there!" There's a sharp intake of air from inside the box, like he's about to start yelling again, then he stops.

As soon as I get the lid off though, the yelling starts again. "What the Hell was that about! Leave me in there! I swear to God if you're my new owner I'm gunna…" At that I cut him off, "1. That was about you being too loud for me to even think straight and 2. Yes I'm your new owner. It might be a pain in the ass, but at least I made lasagna… Which is burning!"

I ran back to the kitchen quickly grabbing some oven mits, and almost tripping on the way there. I yanked open the oven… only to find that my sense of smell was playing tricks on me (yet again), and that the lasagna actually just finished. Pulling it out gently, I laid it on the table. I stop only to turn off the oven and grab some plates and silverware.

Lovino had already sat down at the table. By the time I'm sitting, I figure I better warn him that he might not like my cooking. "I-I better say now t-that I'm not a gourmet chef, and you might not like the w-way I cook." "Why the Hell would I expect that from you, bastard. And what's with the fucking stutter?" ' _Damn my speech problems!_ ' "It's s-something I've had since I was really l-little. And it's not my d-damn fault!" He looks at me funny then says, "No need to bite my head off. I was just fucking asking." ' _Okay, so he wasn't making fun of me… That's a good start, I guess._ '

I tried to start small talk, "By the w-way, I'm Cryss Marks, pleasure to meet you." I extend my hand, which he ignored. "Lovino Vargas. Can we fucking eat now?" I retracted my hand. "S-sure." He bowed his head and said something really fast in Italian, and then cut himself a slice of lasagna and dug in. He looked at me, "At least it's not as bad as that stupid potato bastard's cooking." ' _My life just got a little more interesting._ "

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Translations:

 **Spanish**

Cállate! Puedo oírte. No hay necesidad de gritar – Shut up! I can hear you. There's no need to yell.

Fammi uscire da questa scatola, cazzo! Bastardo! - Get me out of this f*cking box! B*st*rd!


	3. mansion

**AN: Okay, I'm really sorry that I haven't done anything in the way of updating sooner. The problem is that I just started college this year. This last month has been me trying to get ready and get used to college life. heh... I was home schooled before that so I'm not quite used to all the people... But I'll get there!**

 **Anyway, I going to try to find some semblance of a regular updating schedule, but at the moment I can't make any promises... And HOLY COW! When did people start liking this story!? I truly thought this story was going to be a total bust... but c'est la vie.**

 **Quick reminder that I used Google translate for the different languages, I'm horrible at grammar, and OCness is a thing. (I'm trying though!)**

 **Aside from that, have fun reading~**

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After we finished eating the lasagna, I told Lovino that he had to clean up the dishes since I was the one who cooked. He complained a lot and used some language that I'd rather not repeat, but he got it done.

While he was cleaning, I decided to gather his things so that once he was done with the cleaning we could get him settled in one of the bedrooms. Speaking of the Italian. He walks out of the kitchen and looks at me. I'm standing in front of the crate he came in holding a box of stuff that is obviously his. "What now, bastardo?" I spare a second to think, ' _I bet he couldn't stop cursing to save his life._ ' then I say, "W-we're going to get you set up i-in one of the guest bedrooms, what else?"

I begin walking up the stairs and he fallows. We have to go down a hall or two before reaching to bedrooms, but before we get there Lovino asks, "How fucking big is this place?" I figured I'd get questions like that eventually. "T-three stories tall, not including the attic and cellar. There are 15 bedrooms, and 21 bathrooms." I answer swiftly. (When I said my grandparents were well off, I meant it) I hear his footsteps stop so I look back and I'm met with a face of disbelief. Now it's his turn to stutter, "H-how... How old are you? And how the hell do you pay for this house?!" I sigh. ' _That wasn't a reaction I was looking forward to..._ ' I give a deadpan look. "It's my grandmother's. She gave it to me. And I'm 18. N-now lets get you to a room." He just fallows behind me quietly. (Whoa, he's quite! That's got to be a first.)

I stop. "H-here we are. The r-room at the very end of the hall is mine. T-the rest are open. Take your pick." He goes from room to room making little comments about dust and clutter, but I just tune them out. Finally he settles on a room that's on the left and closer to the stairs. "This room doesn't seem too bad." He says. " Alright. M-make yourself at home. When you're done, come back down stairs." I say while putting his things in the room. Before he has a chance to respond, I'm already half way to the stairs.

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It's been a good hour or so, and I haven't seen hide or hair of Lovi. ' _I'd bet my bottom dollar he's lost._ ' I sigh. "Looks like its t-time for an Italian hunt." I stand and begin making my way back to the bedrooms.

And… He's not there. Of course. I try the first thing that comes to mind, which happens to be shouting at the top of my lungs, "Lovino, where did you go?!" Just as you would expect, I got no answer. So I begin thinking up all the possible routes he might have accidentally taken. Unfortunately the possibilities are near endless… perfect.

Well I've got to start somewhere, so I head off in the direction that leads away from the stairs. ' _This is going to be fun._ ' (Note the sarcasm clearly taking place inside my own head)

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' _I've been at this for almost two hours! Where in this mansion of a house could he have gone!?_ ' Its true fellow brain of mine, I have been at this forever. The only places that I haven't checked are the attic and the basement.

He probably wouldn't go there, since those places are creepy (I don't mind them really), but that still leaves the other three floors. He knows he needs to go down to get to the kitchen, so that takes out the third floor. That means that he's either on the first floor or seco- Ow!

While I was in the middle of my very important thought process to eliminate places to look, I wasn't watching where I was going and suddenly found myself getting acquainted with the floor. I hear a tiny squeak behind me, but I'm still in a little bit of shock.

Finally, I manage to wake up from my dazed state and begin pulling myself up (Sorry floor, but we just wouldn't work out). Then I get another shock as I'm suddenly assaulted by a long string of Italian. "Eccoti! Ho cercato dappertutto quella cucina cazzo e te ! Dove diavolo sei stato , bastardo?! Hai idea di quanto fuori di testa mi è stato?!" It continued like that for a while, until I managed to get my bearings.

I was still on the floor so I decided to get up and look at the person I had obviously tripped over. When I did I was met with an intresting sight. Lovino's eyes were red and puffy around the edges, his sleaves had wet spots on them and he still had small streaks of water staining his cheeks. "Y-you where crying?" I ask icreduosly. His eyes go wide, "N-no! I just got something in my eye and really fucking hurt! T-that's why I was on the ground." I just give him a look, "Uh-huh, and cats know how to dig to China." I say. His only reply is, "Bastardo."

I can't help it when I crack up laughing. The situation is just a little to weird for me, and I've had one crazy day. To top it off, I'm taking with Lovino Vargas from Hetalia. He's a country for goodness sake! My mind finally catches up with me and I manage to calm down. I look to Lovino and his face looks like a tomato; which just makes me want to laugh even more. I am able to control myself when I see his expression.

He's beyound angry. I choke out a few words, "Sorry. I've just had a r-really crazy day, and things are just now s-starting to hit me." (Hey I wasn't lying.) He looks at me, "Whatever, bastardo." All I can think is, ' _Good going idiota._ ' I start trying to come up with ways to make it up to him. Suddenly I get a bright shiny idea. "H-hey, what your favorite food?" I ask. "What kind of stupid question is that?" He counters back.

"W-well its a little early, but I thought I c-could make your favorite food for dinner. T-to appolgize for you getting lost and me l-laughing just now." I explain. "O-oh." He starts, "Well, I like lots of different kinds of food... Um, how does deep dish pizza sound, bastardo?" I could tell that the scowl and curse were forced, and somehow that made my\e a little happy. "D-deep dish pizza it is!" I annouce as I grab his hand and start draging Lovi by the hand back toward the kitchen.

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We spent the rest of the afternoon cooking and having one the most amazing pizzas I've ever had. Somehow Lovino got into a better mood after he got into the kitchen. His normal cursing was still there but he seemed much better. I won't push him about the whole crying thing. If he really wants me to know about what happened than he'll tell me (Yeah right. We're talking about Lovino here).

I hop into bed that night fealing really good, but there's something at the back of my head saying that I've forgotten something. Oh yeah! ' _Oh well, I can talk to him about the whole job thing tomarrow. For now I think I need some sleep._ '

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Translations:

 **Italian:**

 **-** Eccoti! Ho cercato dappertutto quella cucina cazzo e te ! Dove diavolo sei stato , bastardo?! Hai idea di quanto fuori di testa mi è stato?!

\- There you are! I've been looking everywhere for that fucking kitchen and you! Where the hell have you been, bastard?! Do you have any idea how freaked out I was?!

 **I'm sorry if there a bunch of grammatical and spelling errors, however spell check decided to stop working.**

 **I'm not quite sure where I want to take this story but I do have a few ideas. If you have any ideas though, I'd love to hear them. I even might end up using them, if I really, really like them. (As my Hetalia creative juices have taken a nosedive thanks to the fact that I have recently gotten back into the Homestuck fandom)**


	4. Relatives, Jobs, and New Units

**AN: I'm really sorry about the late update, but this time it wasn't my fault! My dad was messing around with some things in the backyard and digging in a few places. Well, he accidently struck our landline causing the internet to completely stop working. I've decided that I'm going to try and get a chapter up every two weeks. (again, no promises)**

 **Anyway, I writing this from the college and library since those are the only places I've got to write this. I also tried to make it a little longer as an apology.**

 **P.S.: This unit comes to you as a suggestion from** **Lanna and Shinni** **. He fit perfectly into my plans, Thank you!**

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I woke up the next morning in a fairly good mood, so I decided to make eggs and bacon. As I stood at the stove, I slowly started to remember the events of yesterday. ' _I had to have been dreaming…_ ' I thought. Then, to my utter disbelief, Lovino came running into the kitchen. He's gasping for air and it's very obvious that he took a wrong turn somewhere, again (I should really give him a map). "Is *huff* it *huff* is it Sunday *huff*?" He asks/demands.

' _That's what got him out of bed early?_ ' I sweat-drop. It's about 9:30 and from what I had gathered, Felicino and him rarely ever got out of bed before noon. "Yeeeesss." I respond warily (I'm not sure I like where this going). He looks over at the clock on the stove and his eyes got comically large. "Well why the Hell are we not at church?!" He yells, more so than asks.

Suddenly he's grabbed me by the arm, shuts off the burner, and is dragging me up the stairs. I attempt to ask what is going on with him, "W-wha-?" He stops me mid-sentence, "You're going to need to put on some better cloths if we're going to church, bastardo."

All at once my brain stops working. Church is definitely not where I want to be. As I'm attempting to reboot, Lovino got me into my room in record time. He's already shifting trough my wardrobe looking for a decent outfit when my mind finally catches up with my surroundings. I start trying to find a way out of this, "W-wait! W-why a-are we going to c-church? W-we don't h-have to…" It's too early for me to put up any real fight, so I just give him this pleading look… which he completely ignores. "Hell no! We are going to church whether you want to or not, bastardo." He finally pulls out an outfit that he believes is suitable and practically forces it into my hands. "Put that on and brush your hair." I try again, "Um, I-I don't think there's a good c-church in the area…" He then gives me a look that tells me he's not falling for it. ' _Damn it. Well might as well use this to my advantage._ '

"Alright, a-alright. I'll go, but afterward we need to l-look for a job for you. And before you try and say anything to the contrary, let me just say that I'm not going to church or taking you there unless you get a job." There's a very irritated look on his face, but he just mutters something in Italian and says (very forcefully might I add) "Fine. Just get moving, itiota! We don't have all day."

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We get to the church just as the preacher started the sermon, and somehow Lovino is even more irritated. "W-what's up with you?" I whisper/ask curiously. He gives a scowl, but responds anyway… in Spanish, "*Aquellas señoras mayores nos están dando miradas sucias para llegar aquí jodidamente tarde." His checks have a light blush on them. I can't help my curiosity. "*¿Cuándo aprendiste español?!" I whisper/shout. He's trying not to shout out of embracement when he says, "*Crecí alrededor del lanuage, está bien! Ahora podemos estar tranquilo y escuchar el sermón de mierda?" ' _That makes sense, I guess._ ' I nod and simply say, "*Cierto." As I try to focus my attention back on the preacher, I suddenly have the perfect job idea for Lovi.

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As soon as the preacher ends his sermon, I grab Lovino and try to steer him out of the church as fast as possible, "Cryss! Is that you?"…I wasn't fast enough. I stop and slowly turn around. My aunt is standing there with a big smile. "It is you! I haven't seen you in a while. I didn't think I'd find you here! I happy that you're finally starting to come to church. I figured you'd never want to come by! Oh, and who's this? I don't believe I've seen you around before." Internally I'm cringing, (I know she's going to take this the wrong way somehow) but somehow I managed to plaster a smile on my face and answer with, "H-hi Aunt Jess. T-this is my… friend, Lovino."

Lovino steps forward to greet my aunt with a smile I didn't know he had, "*Ciao signorina. My name is Lovino Vargas. It is a pleasure to meet you." My aunt's face has a slight blush over it. When she starts to reply, she stumbles slightly over her words, "W-well, aren't you a gentleman. It seems Cryss has found a good… friend. A-are you going to college with him or…?" He gives an easy smile in return. "No. I'm staying with him. We were pen-pals when we were kids. I needed to get away from family for a while and he offered to let me stay with him. He's been a big help."

While he's talking with my Aunt, my mind is spinning. ' _How the Hell does he lie so easily!?_ ' I'm freaking out so much internally that it takes almost three jabs to the side to notice that Lovi is trying to get my attention. "Hmm?" (Don't I have an interesting response…) Lovino gives a sigh, "*Ayúdame un poco ¿verdad? We were just talking about how you offered to let me stay with you since we were pen-pals and you heard about my family situation." After Lovino began speaking Spanish Aunt Jess's eyes went wide. "Oh, are you Spanish? You sounded like you had a different accent." A small frown appears on Lovino's face. "No, I'm not Spanish. I just grew up around a Spanish speaker. I'm actually from the southern part of Italy." This is where I decide to jump into the conversation, "Y-yes, h-he's staying with me. I-I might be inviting some more p-people to stay. I-it's a rather big house after all, and I-it can get a little lonely." I try to add a small smile for add effect. ' _Plus I'm pretty sure that I'm going to end up with more units and I really don't want to have this problem every time I get one._ '

Aunt Jess give me a sympathetic look. She goes to talk again, but I caught her off, "We were actually h-heading out to go get Lovi a job s-so we need to get going." I begin dragging Lovino out the door, "Bye, Aunt Jess!" I don't wait for a reply as I drag lovino out of the church.

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After we get into the car, I find myself with a very angry Italian. "Where the Hell did you learn that fucking name?! And why the fuck did you call me that!?" Cue the confused character. "W-what?" That just seems to make him even angrier. "Don't 'w-what' me! You called me Lovi! Where on God's great creation did you learn that damn name?!" For a moment I'm even more confused, "When did I- Ohh. Woops." (If you have go back to find out where I said it aloud, don't worry… I'm the character/writer and I had to look back a few times) ' _Well, this just got awkward._ ' "W-well, y-you see. I heard it on an a-anime that I watch, a-and I really liked it. I-I wasn't going to call you that since I f-figured you wouldn't like it, but i-it slipped out." He still seems a little upset but my answer appeared to have worked. "Fine, but don't call me that again. Bastardo."

Right as the conversation ended we pulled up to a tall building which immediately caught Lovi's attention. "Where the fuck are we?" I give a triumphant smile. "This is one the foreign embassies in the area. You speak Spanish, Italian and English fluently. This would be a great place for you to work. All you'd have to do is translate." Lovino looks from me to the building then back, "That doesn't seem too hard."

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Time skip brought to you by magical means

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The interview went wonderfully. Lovino managed to keep his cussing in check which surprised me, and since he spoke the languages so well he was offered the job on the spot. We were on our way home and decided to stop for some pasta. We were just a little ways from the house when I saw a familiar green truck just ahead of us. ' _Please don't turn left. Please don't turn left._ _Please don't turn left…_ ' It turned left.

I turned into the drive way and parked the car. I jumped out and walked over to Jake who is unloading another big crate. He notices me and says, "Oh hey! Great timing huh? Nice outfit by the way. Did you go to church?" I give a small nod. "Huh, I didn't peg you for the church type. Any way please sign here." He says while handing me a clipboard. I signed and he got the box inside. Lovino had already headed inside with the food.

Jake handed me an envelope and went on his merry way. I had just opened it and read the front when Lovino came into the room. "So, which bastard did we get?" I gulp.

Suddenly there's light knocking from the inside of the box. "*Pourriez-vous me laisser sortir s'il vous plaît?" I can't say anything. All my mind can do is replay what I had just read, " _FRANCIS BONNEFOY: user guide and manual_ "

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 **translations:**

 **Spanish** :

*Aquellas señoras mayores nos están dando miradas sucias para llegar aquí jodidamente tarde. - Those old ladies are giving us dirty looks for getting here too f#cking late.

*¿Cuándo aprendiste español?! - When did you learn Spanish?!

*Crecí alrededor del lanuage, está bien! Ahora podemos estar tranquilo y escuchar el sermón de mierda? - I grew up around the lanuage, okay! Now can we be quite and listen to the f#cking sermon?

*Cierto. – Sure.

* Ciao signorina – Hello miss.

*Ayúdame un poco ¿verdad? – Help me out a little will you?

 **French** :

*Pourriez-vous me laisser sortir s'il vous plaît? - Could you let me out please?

 **Yay! The Wine Bastard is here! I'm just kidding. I actually do like France, he's just not my favorite. Thank you again** **Lanna and Shinni.** **You helped me with a tuff decision.**

 **Thank you for reading and I'll try to get a new chapter up soon.**


	5. Author's note & reader decision

**Hey, I'm so sorry that this isn't an actual chapter, but I didn't want to just keep going without uploading and never tell you guys what's going on. There is actually a few reasons why I haven't been able to upload.**

 **I have unfortunately gotten really sick and I also suffer from chronic migraines, so looking a computer screen for a long amount of time is pretty hard on me at the moment. Normally I'd be able to push through that, but since the college classes that I'm taking also require me to use me computer a lot, trying to do them both hurts just a little to much for me to handle.**

 **I've also got some family stuff going on right now which is eating up a lot of my time.**

 **And then there's also the thing that went down in Paris a while ago, so I'm not sure what I want to do with the story since I just introduced France. Do I want to show the events that went down affecting France in a way, or do I want to continue like nothing ever happened?**

 **I can't decide. So I've decided to give you lovely readers the choice. Which do you want me to do? Comment or pm me, so I can continue writing this lovely(not really) story, and you can continue reading! I'd really appreciate it.**

 **Your friendly writer,**

 **Cryss~**


	6. Francy Pants is Here

**A.N.: I'm super sorry for not updating. School happened, then the health thing, then the France thing, but I'm trying to get something out to you (I'm also a little lazy and forgot about it). Say a quick thank you to** **DragonStar7Queen** **for reminding me that this story exsists.**

 **I've decided that for now, I will continue as if nothing happened, but that may or may not change in the future.**

 **And to** **Just obsessed,** **Yay! I get to try and write someone that I'm not even sure I can pull off… hehe. This will be interesting…**

 **With that said OOC-sickness is a thing. And since I think I've forgotten to put this in here. DISCLAIMER: I don't own Hetalia, and I didn't have a hand in writing in either… (It would have turned out a lot different if I had) Anyway, I've talked enough. On with the show!**

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I'm in a bit of shock, because OH MY GOD, THEY SENT ME FRANCE! I really don't know how to take this information in, but before I can start thinking of all the ways this could go wrong, Lovino taps me on the shoulder. I jump nearly a foot in the air, and the envelope I was holding goes flying. "Hey, bastardo, it looks like we got the perverted wine bastard." He says rather matter-of-factly. My sarcastic side can sometimes kick in when I'm really nervous or if my concentration got messed-up, and it seems this time was no exception. "Well, no dip Sherlock. How many other countries do you know that speak French with that accent?"

It might have been a bit harsh, but I was in full freak-out mode and was in no mood to deal with his… what was it called again… tsundere-ness. Suddenly, Francis's voice filters through the wood of the box, "Ohonhonhon. Do I hear little Romano out there? Could you possibly help big brother Francis out of this box, s'il vous plait?" I'm pretty sure that means please? Damnit, I don't speak French! I give an exaggerated sigh, ' _Alright Cryss, you can do this. He probably won't even be all that interested in you; you're a guy after all...Then again, I think I'm going to grab my old baseball bat just in case._ ' With my mind made up, I give a quick, "Give me a minute," and run to go collect some things.

I return only moments later with my baseball bat in hand, a can of pepper spray (expertly hidden, might I add), and a butter knife to open the crate. In my absence, it seems that Lovi had made up his mind that he didn't want Francis out and about. Meaning he had found some rope in the garage (where in my garage did I have rope!?), had tied it around the crate Francis was in, and was pushing it out of the door. France seemed to babbling in French, which didn't help me in the slightest in figuring out what was going on (Its pretty easy to guess though). Lovi hadn't noticed me yet so I decided to walk up behind him before talking, "Lovino, what are you doin'?" He jumped a good foot into the air. "Chigi! Don't sneak up on me like that! A-and I wasn't doing anything. I'm just getting rid of trouble before it starts, bastardo." I look at him for a little bit then ask, "I-isn't that decision up t-to me? Besides I'm sure e-everything will be fine." Despite sounding a little unsure of myself, I move forward and begin to undo the rope job that Lovi had done (dang he's good at tying things!), and opened the box.

As soon as I open the box, I find the air completely knocked out of me by a very strong Frenchman. "Oh, Je vous remercie! That was terrifying!" He looks over to Lovi, "Romano, how could you do that to Big Brother France?! That was horrible! How could you be so cruel?!" Suddenly, France is on the floor crying big crocodile tears and whining more about how cruel his 'little Lovi' had been. I give Lovi a 'Do Something!' look, but he just shrugs and says, "Serves the bastardo right." Before I know what I'm doing, I let loose a huge sigh and approach the distraught Frenchman, "Um… A-are you okay? Sorry a-about Lovino. He can b-be a little temperamental." Lovino inhales like he's about to go on a small rant about how he's not temperamental and that people are just idiots, but I manage to level him with a glare that shuts him up for now. France turns to face me and gives me a warm smile, "Ah, so kind to check on me~ I think I will be alright, *amoureux. You are my new owner, *Oui?" With a nod and yes from me, France jumps up, almost too quick for me to see and gives me a near bone-crushing hug. "Oh this is simply *formidable! I'm sure we'll get along beautifully~" All I can do is give him an awkward pat on the back before deciding this hug has gone on a little too long.

'I wonder of food would work on him like it does with Lovi?' With nothing to lose, I start talking, "Q-quick question, are you hungry?" (so hard not to put a Hungary joke here) France sets me down (when the hell did he pick me up?!) and gives a nod. "Okay, then I-I'm going to have to m-make something. Lovino and I didn't p-pick up enough for three." I start making my way to the kitchen, but soon find myself blocked by Francis. "I could cook, mon amie. It would be nice to do some cooking, and no offence, amoureux, but I'm not really in the mood for hamburgers." I give him an incredulous stare, "Did you just make a pass about me being an American?" France looks like a dear caught in headlights, "N-non, no I just – um…" Stomping angrily past him, I point to one of the chairs at the dining room table, "Sit. I'm cooking and so help me you will like it." (I must prove that an American CAN cook!) France tries again, "I didn't – ." "Shhh. I'm cooking. I'll even make a French dish!" I hear Lovino come in and sit down but I don't turn to acknowledge him. I've started cooking and that means that the rest of the world is dead to me until I'm done.

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I set my finished dish down on the table and grab a few plates. Sitting down, I watch as the other two get some food before grabbing some for myself. I've calmed down quite a bit and I'm kinda starting to realize that I was a little rude earlier, "S-sorry about the nearly yelling in your face thing. I can g-get a little c-crazy about some things. Anyway, this is C-chicken Cordon Blue. Really j-just a fancy name for chicken s-stuffed with ham and Swiss cheese, but u-um enjoy." France has already taken a few bites and he hasn't spit it out, so that's a good sign. He shakes his head replying with, "Non. It was my fault in the first place for making assumptions. This isn't too bad. With a little training you could become an excellent chef, *mon cher!" I know I'm blushing a little because 'damn it, I don't take flattery well!' "T-thanks." I reply, "I-it's the only French dish I actually know h-how to cook, though. The great thing a-about it is it can be made so many different ways." France smiles saying, "Ohonhonhon. You could even make a creamy wine sauce to add some extra flavor. And you know, I'd love to teach you some new recipes if you're ever interested." "Um, s-sure. That could b-be fun."

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for the next hour or so we ended up just talking about food, recipes, and the different methods we use. Even Lovino joined in. It was pretty nice. Eventually I decided it was time to clean up, and France was kind enough to do the dishes (despite complaining that the dish soap was terrible for his skin). While he did that, I managed to rope Lovi into helping me get France's things together. When he walked out of the kitchen, we were ready to get him a room and get him settled.

On our walk to the rooms, Francis commented on how big and beautiful the house looked. So of course I gave him the same spiel I gave Lovi. He was surprised at the sheer number of rooms, but let's be honest, who wouldn't be surprised. When we got to the rooms Lovino immediately stated that the 'wine bastard' could not have a room next to his, so France ended up picking the room right of mine. The rest of the day was pretty uneventful. France asked if I was alright with him making diner which was good with me. It gave me time to look over France's manual. Let me just say that when a copy of How to Stop the French from Invading Your Bed fell out I had some very mixed feelings.

All in all, it had been a pretty good day, but I did take a few precautions before tucking into bed. You can never be too careful, you know?

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 **translations:**

 **French:**

Je vous remercie – Thank you

Amoureux – sweetheart

Oui – yes

Formidable – wonderful

Mon amie – my friend

Mon cher – my dear


End file.
